


Avoiding Responsibilities

by Fox_the_Hermit



Series: UraMayu Week Teasers [2]
Category: Bleach, Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 14:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19064224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_the_Hermit/pseuds/Fox_the_Hermit
Summary: “I’m assuming you didn’t just ask me to come here for a date. So. Why did you want to meet?”“Oh, it’s no big deal. I had to drop off the Antichrist yesterday you know, get that whole Armageddon thing kick-started. Thought you might be interested.”(Fic teaser for "With friends like that - how the fuck are you still alive?", and Angels&Demons prompts!)





	Avoiding Responsibilities

Mayuri sighs, and squints at a particularly loud pigeon cooing at them, begging for more bread.

It keels over.

Kisuke automatically gives him a reproachful look - or tries, the black glasses rather getting in the way of the intended effect.

“Those human _connections_ of mine - they are rather in the habit of throwing holy water at every new person they meet, to check that they’re not demons. If they saw you do that, you’d get a face-full,” he warns Mayuri, before seemingly remembering it’s not in fact _his_ job to be the defender of all things small and helpless. And _hasn’t_ been his job for the past several millennia.

"With friends like that, how the hell are _you_ still alive today?" Mayuri asks him in horrified fascination, abandoning his ice cream and any potential pangs of guilt over the now-dead pidgeon in favour of staring slack-jawed at Kisuke. “Don’t they know what _you_ are, if you have them routinely investigating the supernatural, and taking out your competition?”

“Ask me no questions and I shall tell you no lies. You’d _certainly_ have to report it to those working upstairs.”

“You’re _not_ secretly somehow an angel again, are you?” Mayuri gives him a deeply suspicious look. Then considers whether he really wants an answer to that. “Wait, no, that’s another one of those things I can’t ask.

“I’m assuming you didn’t just ask me to come here for a _date_. So. Why did you want to meet?”

“Oh, it’s no big deal. I had to drop off the Antichrist yesterday you know, get that whole Armageddon thing kick-started. Thought you might be interested.”

“ _Already_ ? You mean, the world will be over in fifteen years?” Mayuri hisses at him, yellow eyes starting to glow threateningly. “You _idiot_ , you should have killed the child!”

“Downstairs seems rather in a hurry to get it over with - and don’t pretend upstairs isn’t just as eager to go to war,” Kisuke shrugs, and looks in consternation at his empty cup of bubble tea, like it’s somehow more important than the impending end of the world. Admittedly, for the demon, it might be.

“As far as downstairs is concerned, the child _will_ grow up under my watch, influenced by the most successful demon operating on the surface into becoming the most terrible person. As far as upstairs is concerned, _you_ will be attempting to undo all my influence. They don’t doubt that you would, of course, fail, and let them all go to glorious, glorious, war in fifteen years’ time.”

“You-” Mayuri frowns, and mulls over the wording. “What do you mean, ‘as far as they are concerned’? What did you _do_?”

A smile splits Kisuke’s face.

“Oh, I gave him to some nice kind couple, and told them to get _so_ lost that even I won’t find them.”

There’s a moment of silence where Mayuri tries to make that sentence resolve into something that makes some sort of sense.

He fails.

“You _WHAT?”_

“Aw, no kiss for my brilliance?”

_“Please explain to me how losing the Antichrist is, in any way, shape, or form, a BRILLIANT IDEA!””_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a link to the [UraMayu Week tumblr](https://uramayuevents.tumblr.com), and here's a link to the [UraMayu discord server](https://discordapp.com/invite/UHWVxg5)! 
> 
> Vote on the prompts for the week [here](https://foxhermit.typeform.com/to/WXmcMb)!


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